If you don't want to read a personal post, then don't read any further :) I just want to explain where I've been and what I've been doing.
At first it was lack of time I had that kept me from reading or blogging, then new things came into my life and I progressively got busier and busier (and slacker and slacker), then I started my new job and I had MORE time on my hands and I had all intentions of starting to blog again. I was even happier than I am usually.
Then everything went downhill. It's like every aspect of my life that was great before just went down the drain. I had two friends commit suicide within a day of eachother, I was/am having constant trouble with some of my family members, money (as always) seems to disappear as soon as I get it (on rent and bills, yay) my relationships with people started to fail and I failed two of four units at university for the semester. There is more to this, but all of that happened in a week. I felt like I had noone I could turn to for help and I had no idea who I could talk to about this which made it all worse. I've now confided in a couple of people who I know I can trust with my everything and that has made me feel a lot better and I'm slowly getting happier again. But I'm still at one of the lowest points I've ever been at in my life and I lack the motivation to do anything I used to love.
I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm sick of losing people and I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good enough for anybody. I'm not trying to fish for compliments or anything like that, it's genuinely how I feel at the moment and I hate it.
Everytime I've attempted to clear my head and sit down and read a book, I can't do it. All of these horrible thoughts and feelings come creeping back into my head as soon as I try to. I can't blog because I have nothing to blog about and I'm so unmotivated that I barely wanted to see or talk to anybody for a couple of weeks (I'm an extrovert so this is a big deal for me) and I haven't been able to clear my head - even reading hasn't been able to do that for me, and reading, as you know is a great way to escape the world and to just relax and forget everything.
But I can't do it. Even as I'm starting to feel happier again and more sociable, there are times (out of nowhere it seems) that those terrible feelings come creeping their way back into my head and I find myself either crying, wanting to cry or just feeling horribly numb.
I'm sorry for the sob story and the huge amount of venting but I wanted to explain why I have disappeared for a long time so far and why I haven't been reading or blogging. I want to - I really do - but I literally haven't been able to.
Sorry and I'll be back soon, I love you all <3>3>